My Pop

There is one given in life. Everyone will eventually pass away. And even though we all know this, we can never prepare for how we will feel. Nor do we know how we will handle grief and everyone does it in their own way. I turned to words and started to write about my dad almost immediately. The following eulogy is what came out of my thoughts. I feel blessed to have been able to share it at his funeral. My dad and I shared a love for words and writing so it was hard but also easy for me to do. 

This is the last selfie I took of my dad and I at Ayden's graduation party May 2015

Richard I. Powell (March 14, 1931-October 26, 2015)

My dad was the story teller. We were captivated as he told stories of his youth, people around town, his grandparents, his aunts and uncles, and his grandkids. He had a story to tell pretty much about everyone he knew. It wasn't until the mid 70s that my dad decided to start writing them down. And he wrote and wrote. I got my love of words from my dad. So while these are my perceptions and memories I hope I paint a picture of my dad with words today....something that he truly loved. Whenever I called he asked me what I was writing. And he just wanted people to read his words. We did and we will cherish them.....but Pop I wrote this one for you.

My dad was the firstborn of Ivan and Pauline Powell. A depression baby. We could say he was a mischievous child but he was probably just like every other boy of those times. He and his buddies may or may not have tipped his grouchy neighbor over in his outhouse and  then went back to rescue him and get paid for the rescue. He may or may not have lit a sack of doggie doodie on fire dropped it on a porch and rang the recipients bell. And he most definitely shook the hand that shook the hand of Abraham Lincoln. That is a tiny sampling of stories we heard. He was a Mississippi boy growing up on the river and all that entails. He lived his whole life in Camanche and around or on the Mississippi.  

When he graduated from high school he headed off to Bradley University with an initial thought to study education. But ended up with two years in drafting. He always wanted to finish but he was drafted into the army. This was one of the reasons why he wanted all of his kids to get an education. 

He proposed to my mom Christmas Eve 1951 and they married January 21,1952 on a very icy night. He shipped to Korea 7 days later. He said he had never been so cold, wet, and hungry during some of his time on the front lines. But he survived and returned home to my mom, they started their family, and he began his lifelong love affair with food. He didn't care what he ate just feed him....except anything with mustard. Oh and anything that resembled an SOS meal. That reminded him of army food. He ate it but  expressed to me with complete clarity that he never wanted me to serve him creamed tuna on toast ever again. 

He was always civics minded. He served on the school board and volunteered for fire and sheriff duties. He loved telling stories about doing ride alongs.  And later in his life he was a city councilman. 

He was baptized Baptist but credits Wally Metzger, his dear friend, with his understanding of his faith and Christ and what he needed spiritually in his life. He attended Clinton E Free for the past 40 years with my mom. 

My dad was a huge John Wayne fan which annoyed me as a teenager and endeared me as an adult. 

I never knew much about his army tour until he became older. As was often the case with many vets he didn't talk about his time overseas. There was a small box of black and white photos in the closet and a Japanese kimono in mom's cedar chest that we used for a Halloween costume. That's all I knew. After I married Eric and we became a military family, I saw him start to open up more and eventually he donned his Korean vet cap daily. He served as a veteran in  parades and funerals continuing his civil commitments. He was finally chosen for an honor flight a couple of years ago  and I'm so thankful he received the welcome home he deserved. We are fortunate he spent time writing down his military stories for generations to come. 

He was the strongest man I have ever known. Just brut strength. I remember him talking about throwing sacks of grain at Clinton Corn like they were nothing.  It seemed he could fix anything including his  miraculous fix of my baby dolls broken leg. He drove his cars until they stopped running...remember the white station wagon? He would give his last dollar in his pocket and demonstrated this many times with us kids and all the grandkids. He always had to go to the grocery or Casey's for treats for the grandkids because they needed chocolate milk. He  had integrity and was never afraid to speak the truth as he perceived it. And he always just asked us kids to tell the truth. 

He loved to hunt but fishing was his passion. He duck hunted with his father in law until his passing and in later years he enjoyed deer hunting. Like many of us, he taught me how to shoot a gun. And he killed his first and only trophy deer during my senior year. A 21 point buck. He  taught me how to fish and clean fish. I filleted hundreds of fish with him in Minnesota. I know he fished with many people but it was just he and I one afternoon working to pull in a very large Northern. Our favorite family story happened one June when Brady was old enough to drive.  He had taken his brothers fishing and came home stating they threw back 80 some bass because they were too small. This happened a second day. So I decided I needed to go with. First fish caught...see mom? It's a bass...too small. But what the boys had been throwing back were very large crappies. I called my dad and within the hour my mom and dad were packed up on their way out to do  some teaching complete with an illustrated book of fish. It was during that week the boys truly saw my dad in his element. We tight lined crappies off the dock and tossed them straight to the cleaning station where my dad continued to fillet. The only bass big enough that week belonged to Brenden. And as my dad made the first cut to show Brenden how it was done.., Brenden passed out and almost landed in the lake. It was a fishing story my dad loved to tell and laugh about. He loved to fish with my mom and always said, "She always catches the first fish."

He was so proud of his kids and grandkids and great grandkids. He made everyone he talked to feel like family. My friends were his friends, too. When Lora married Larry his kids were now his grandkids too. No distinction. I was asked a few days ago how I got so lucky to have five kind good sons. I answered but this week I  realized the right answer. I was thinking about how all of my dads grandkids and kids are so kind. Every one. And that is a testament to my dad. It's in their genes and it's because he made each one of them feel special. That's how I got five great kids and awesome nieces and nephews. 

My dad never missed one of my son Brenden's appointments in Iowa City. Just a few years ago, when Brenden and I went for his checkup, his cardiologist even asked about my dad because he was so memorable to her. And she said, "He always made sure he knew everything that was going on with you and he never missed your appointments." And for those who know what Brenden went through...that was a lot of appointments. 

Through my dads life he suffered through illness and accident. He survived the front lines, a major car accident, diabetes, heart attacks, mini strokes, a catastrophic trip down the basement steps, and hip replacement which he proudly showed his scar much to our protest.....so many more things in the last few years. 

Watching my dad get old was tough. But we are blessed to have a lifetime of memories to share. We will miss your jokes, your teasing, your infectious laugh. Now we're going to tell your stories, Pop. 

About a week ago he felt good enough to go get some groceries. He left mom at home. And for a time he didn't return which of course worried her. But he had gone for a drive along the river and found someone to talk to. It gives me a lot of comfort knowing he took one last drive just to check things out.  

Funny enough or not his initials were RIP. I think I remember him saying once when we were naming our sons to pay attention to the initials because he didn't think his mother did when she named him. But I think he enjoyed them and probably had some fun with with them. So cheers to you with some chocolate milk Pop. We would toast you with an MGD 64 but honestly no one ever really liked your beer. I bet you are having the grandest of reunions right now. May you be as your initials state and rest in peace for eternity with our Heavenly Father. 

You fought the good fight

Pop... You will always be my John Wayne 

Video taken by Melody Reels during my dad's Honor Flight

My dad's welcome home from the Honor Flight

Thank you for all of your kind words, hugs, and condolences.

Blessings,

Monica

My Rosary

For the first twenty-four years of my marriage I watched my father-in-law sit in his chair and make rosaries. Those of you that know me well know the crunching, tapping, clicking, and anything like that drives me to insanity. So you can imagine how the snipping of the wire, while he patiently put each rosary together, drove me crazy. But I wasn't Catholic for all of those years and I didn't really know or understand what the rosary was all about. In fact, I had a very bad and inaccurate opinion of rosary beads and the prayer.

I wonder if maybe he prayed while he made them. He was a private man so we may never know. I'm sure Eric's mom prayed while he made them because six years ago I found myself being confirmed Catholic. It was during those nine months of classes I learned about the rosary. And sometime during those months, after all those years away from the Catholic faith, my husband pressed a rosary into my hand and prayed the most beautiful, healing rosary prayer for me. All of those rosaries Kenny Pugh made became very important to me during that prayer.

Kenny Pugh died last Friday. He was 86 years old. During the evening on Thursday, I had an overwhelming feeling to call Mona Lou, Eric's mom. I had a customer drop off a quilt top and just wanted to visit with her about it because she is an avid quilter. But I was holding my granddaughter, Miss Sophia, who was missing her daddy and mommy so much and crying. The evening passed and it was too late to call. Kenny was not one to talk on the phone much. He would answer. I would say, "Hi..how are you?" and he would almost immediately say, "Here's Mona Lou." But if I would have called I might have heard his voice one last time.

Kenny was a craftsman. He worked with his hands. He was a carpenter and a woodworker. So making rosaries came naturally to him. His real gifting was with woodworking. He built the home where he and Mona Lou raised their family and shared together for almost sixty years. His shop is still in the basement filled with treasures. It is a sacred space and one that the kids and grandkids knew they were not to step in without permission, although they did. I hadn't stepped in there until yesterday. I think he's chuckling in heaven knowing all of the treasures to be found in that space. Eric found his dad's journal written during his time in the navy tucked away and covered in sawdust. Mona Lou had never seen it. Yes, he was a very private man.

After hearing of his passing, I walked around my house realizing how many things he made for us that I use daily. There is something in every room...most rooms have lots of things. He framed pictures for me, made whistles and trucks for the kids, and always had some clever or silly thing to give us like the toast grabber (those of you who have a toast grabber are giggling about now). He didn't think that toast grabber was silly. I also have a beautiful clock, which I have always treasured, and my yarn barn hand carved with my name by Kenny. He wanted us to have everything displayed that he made. I always sensed his frustration with me at not having the ducks he carved displayed and he always wanted to know where they were. Kenny - I gave one to Bret because he lost his in the fire and the other one is on Eric's night stand.

Sometime during my RCIA classes or shortly after I was confirmed, I asked Kenny to make me a rosary using a small San Domiano crucifix Eric brought me from Italy. He said, "Well, I'll have to use some smaller beads but I think I can." He did. It is, I believe, a one of a kind rosary and probably one of the smallest he ever made. Eric's brother, Bret, said he didn't like working with the smaller beads. I will always cherish this rosary.

Shortly after I was confirmed, I told Eric we needed to go home so Kenny could teach me how to make rosaries. So we did and I spent a weekend learning. They came here another weekend and he gave me some more tips. I feel incredibly blessed to have learned this art from him. He made over 6,000. To date I have made fifty. I better get busy.

What I think I know about my father-in-law:
1. He was very consistent and lived in routine.
2. He was frugal.
3. He fed the birds and the squirrels everyday without fail.
4. He said very little but if he spoke you better listen.
5. The door to basement better get shut.
6. Don't stand and stare in the fridge...get what you want and get out.
7. Dinner is at noon and supper is at six. Don't be late.
8. He ate anything happily unless it was green for the most part...although he liked green beans.
9. He didn't like asparagus.
10. He came home and changed his shoes and clothes like Mr. Rogers.
11. Before he retired he took a snooze all stretched out in his chair...after he took a snooze whenever he wanted I think..we have lots of pictures of him sleeping.
12. He was the most loyal man to his wife I have ever, ever known.
13. He saved everything.
14. He was very humble and didn't take credit for anything he did.
15. He loved to play cribbage and made many cribbage boards.
16. He loved a snack of cheese and crackers before dinner.
17. He drank very weak white rum and diet cokes.... I think Thursday nights and maybe Saturdays after mass?
18. He also usually stocked the cheapest beer in the fridge or downstairs.
19. If the dishes weren't done, he would get up and do them.
20. He rose early before everyone else.
21. He liked to keep dry-roasted nuts in the cupboard for a snack.
22. He liked to pick black walnuts from their shells...incredibly patient with those.
23. If you asked him if he had something..he probably did... I asked him when Eric and I were first married for an old wagon wheel and he had one. It has been with us in every house we have lived.
24. He had the highest pain tolerance of anyone I have ever known and never complained that I ever heard.
25. My husband has his feet...and so do my kids and grandkids.... I only saw his one time when he was in the hospital and I was embarrassed to see them without socks or shoes.

There are many more.....

Kenny came down in October to give guidance to Eric on the building of our garage. All of the us treasure that time. I knew we would. Just not so soon. He mostly sat but he drew out the plans for the steps and gave guiding words. He came inside and I said, "Eric really appreciates you being here helping." He said, "Oh, I'm not doing much." Always humble. But he was doing everything that Eric needed. The kids will never forget how to straighten a board or a nail.

I stepped out on our deck that weekend in my white painters bibs. He chuckled when he saw me and said, "Oh, I probably have some of those you could use." He said he was required to wear two layers of clothes at Griffin Construction..he really didn't know why...so he just always kept doing it after he started his Pugh Construction.

Kenny never gave me any advice in thirty years until his hug goodbye that weekend. He told me I was too busy. I was so surprised to hear his words... and I listened. I have been slowly making changes to my schedules. I will not forget that last hug.

We ended his vigil Sunday night with a rosary prayer. Over 100 people were there. The grandkids handed out the last of his rosaries to those who wanted one. During the first decade, I had a vision of Kenny. He was looking down from the left and smiling a big smile. It was blue and green and bright behind him. Tears streamed and dripped down my face and off my chin. I wanted him to come back but he didn't. I thought maybe it was in my imagination. During the funeral the next day the priest talked about his big smile. I then thought maybe I was just seeing the picture on the program so I picked it up and looked. But I wasn't. That's not what I saw. I won't forget what I saw..... what an amazing thing for us to be praying with rosaries where he touched every single bead.

You lived a good life, Kenny Pugh. So handsome in life and so handsome and peaceful in death. You showed us love, not in words, but by making things for us. You will be greatly missed. Thanks for being an example of a good husband to my husband. Looking forward to telling my grandkids someday they have their great-grandpa Kenny's feet.... I'm sure they'll groan. But eventually they'll understand how wonderful it is.

Have fun playing with Lane and Mona Marie......

Love,
Monica

My Rosary

Kids.... this is the story about your dad and I not sleeping together

Last night I slept with Bakery Boy for the first time in four years. 

Military life has always disrupted our shared sleeping time through the years. But in 2010, he left for year long deployment to Afghanistan. Up until that time, we shared a bed and a bedroom. He left and I found myself sleeping in a king size bed all alone. It was lonely. I piled all the extra pillows on his side just to make it seem like he was there. 

About a year before he left, I was diagnosed with Sjogren’s Syndrome. It is an annoying autoimmune disease. When it's flares I can sleep a lot. So we struggled to sleep for a number of reasons before deployment. We also needed a new mattress. But days moved on and deployment preparations took all of our time.

He left and my sleeping alone journey began. While I missed him, I found sleeping alone very healing for me physically. A few months into the deployment I purchased a new mattress. I purchased a memory foam mattress…a nice one. I chose it because it came in a box and we live in a 100 year old house with a bugger of a turned staircase. I loved the mattress. And, wow, did I sleep. I started to feel really good. I was also very excited for him to return and sleep with me!

He returned. He was excited about me but not very excited about the mattress. He couldn’t roll over easily. I thought he needed to give it a chance. One thing was new… he seemed to be snoring more than he ever had before he left. We were concerned. Post deployment, for a number of reasons, required him to sleep with a loud fan. We decided he needed to have a sleep study. No sleep apnea. He then went to an ENT. Our ENT even said he didn’t present for sleep apnea but he did have a bad deviated septum. That was not new news to us. He then went to an allergist. And there we found our problem. His only allergy was dust mites. The allergist said dust mites like memory foam the best. Not only did I buy a memory foam mattress, but memory foam pillows, as well. So we covered everything in expensive dust mite protection. But our sad journey continued. No sleep for either of us and my Sjogren’s was beginning to flare again. 

For some reason, he slept in the guest bedroom one night….probably because he just wanted sleep. And there he stayed. But we both started to do better and feel better. We were getting sleep. He occasionally slept in my room and me in his if the kids came home for a visit. But for the most part, he now had his room and I had mine. 

While we were happy with feeling good, neither of us were very happy about the situation. But we weren’t sure what to do. A new mattress seemed like the obvious solution except our steps seemed to be a huge hurdle. Not everything goes up our steps because of that turn. And the post deployment oddities continued. It was causing some other problems that made me actually thankful, at times, he was sleeping in the other room. 

I have never been afraid to mention to anyone we slept in separate rooms. People show their shock and sadness. They wonder if we are okay…is our marriage okay? Our kids started to express their concern. They were convinced sleeping in separate rooms would lead to our demise and eventual divorce. I would explain why… mattress, deployment, reintegration, PTSD, back injury, his need for a loud fan speed that plasters me against the wall, etc. To say this as politely as I can, there are different kinds of sleeping together. We have only not been sleeping with our eyes shut in the same bed. But we are really good with all the other kinds. ;)

I am married to my best friend. We knew we could weather this storm even if we never shared a bed again. We talked often about how we weren’t happy with the situation entirely. But we were happy with our quality of sleep we were both getting. And we were both healing. He is finally better from deployment. And I’ve had more energy than ever. But we miss each other though the night. Before deployment, we would often drift off to sleep touching feet…it’s our signal everything is good between us. I would often wake to him gently rubbing my back good morning. It’s his way of wishing I would be a morning person and wake up and talk to him right away…. Kisses goodbye always happened even if I didn’t know it or remember it.

Well, he left for annual training three weeks ago. We decide before he left we were too lonely. It was time for a new mattress for us and time to try and sleep together once again. I picked out a new coil mattress and ordered it. I gave my memory foam mattress to our son number four and painted and cleaned “my” room. I was gone for a bit so I didn’t need a mattress. Then I slept in his bed for four nights last week and I was miserable. I ached and I hurt. He returned last Saturday and we attempted to share his full-size bed since our mattress hadn’t arrived. I ended up on the couch. Five nights with little sleep for me. He announced he had slept better on his air mattress the previous weeks than in his own bed. I called and cancelled the order for the mattress and we drove to Des Moines in high pursuit of the perfect sleep for us for that night. We purchased a mattress not knowing if we could get it up the stairs but we were feeling determined. 

With the help of four of our sons, who came running quickly to help, we got that king size mattress up the steps…slightly smooshing it as they went …and on our bed frame. We were so exhausted we curled up and tried it out for a nap. And it was good.

New sheets and comforter set later, we settled into bed and slept well together for the first time in four years. 

He did bring his woobie with him from his room….that’s a blanket that soldiers woobie cold without… it’s slippery and camouflage. I had a security blanket when I was growing up. My Gram used to make me leave it on the side of her bed when I used to climb in….I was tempted to tell him he could climb in but leave the woobie on the floor…. He knows my Gram story.  He also saw one of my eyelashes flutter that first morning and started asking me questions right away …… We still have some sleeping and waking etiquette to relearn but I think we’re going to make it.

Touching toes once again....
God Bless,
Veggie Girl

Meet me... and www.charlieathehill.wordpress.com

I have dyed my hair purple twice...love it

I became Catholic five years ago....favorite selfie

Team Pugh University 2013...we are currently gearing up for 2014

So I was asked by my dear talented childhood friend, Kelli, to answer these four questions and pass on the blogging to other friends - all of us answering the same four questions. 
Her positive outlook and fearless attitude amidst her every day fears is very inspiring..and her artwork is amazing and unique and all hers. www.heresanotherwayoflookingatit.blogspot.com 

So here is my list of questions to answer and pass on.
Then I will have some friends of mine do the same. Answer 4 questions and pass it on the blog wave.

I love having a blog to put my thoughts somewhere...even if no one ever reads them. I like having them written down and out of my head. I love to go back and see how I was thinking and how I've grown. I used to journal..I still love love love paper and pencil..Dixon Ticonderoga number two pencils to be exact. Notes to self.....

Question 1. What are you currently working on? I love to create with my hands. It might be typing words..redesigning a dress...or making a delicious bite to eat. I usually do all of those in one day. I am currently writing most of the time for a local publication called Winterset Living. I write four columns for them. I am also writing an inspirational book...about my five sons, my husband..our lives.... And when I feel inspired, I write on my blog. I am altering and redesigning quite a few clothing items...as my business is Five Sons Design. I get a call almost every day for some sort of alteration or redesign. I started college in apparel design and then changed my mind and got my degree in elementary education. But instead of teaching....I started doing alterations... go figure. 

Question 2. How does your work differ from others in its genre? The only thing I can think here..in regards to custom sewing and alterations..is to be fearless. I can never be afraid to fit a dress..take it apart..and make it fit. I get garment construction. I can make something without a pattern or with a pattern. I love love love costumes! Sometimes things perplex me. But I am fearless when it comes to fixing a dress for a special moment. I am currently making a pair of pants taking the pattern from the old pair of pants...and redesigning my daughter-in-law's bridesmaid dress into a maternity bridesmaid dress for an upcoming wedding. When it comes to writing..I have a lot to learn in regards to being fearless. I need lots of reassurance. But hoping with all my heart and mind my book will be published one day and by then, hopefully,I won't care what anyone thinks about my words. But I will just be happy with the fact that I was fearless and put myself out there.

Question 3. Why do you write/create what you do? I can't imagine not working with my hands in some capacity. I have always had that gift..I've done it all..jewelry, basketry (I spent many years and traveled a lot to learn the art), knitting, sewing, painting, drawing, clay.... you name it I will give it a try. I also make rosaries....just because and give them away. Every day I look for something to make with my hands.

Question 4. How does your creating/process work? I find inspiration when I am in quiet and listen very closely to my thoughts. This happens often on my bike (I ride a lot in all the gear..long distances on a road bike). If I don't write when the thoughts hit, the words go away. So I pay close attention and have learned a lot from losing many words I wish I had written. Sometimes they come back when I get on my bike and ride and listen to nature. When I am sewing or redesigning I spend time visualizing what I am going to do. I fit a garment, write notes, and then sleep on it and try to visualize doing it. Sometimes I can't see the process until I start to sew and alter. But usually shortly after I start I see what needs to happen. Every other medium I use...I use when I feel inspired or I am in need of something. People ask..I get it created.

Now is when I post about another blog.....
I met Charlotte McCullough when she moved to Winterset with her husband. Her husband was the vocal instructor at Winterset High School and my two oldest sons were in choir. I was also a substitute teacher at the time and subbed in Charlotte's math class a couple of times. But they moved.. :( Aaron went back to school and actually attended college with my oldest son for a time. And then they went to Ohio. We have reconnected over Facebook and I have been blessed to watch their children grow and read Charlotte's blog. She is real. And she blogs about real things. She is a mom of three young kids. She loves math. We were able to meet up in person over last Christmas. Enjoy her blog......

www.charlieatthehill.wordpress.com 

He loves the little fishies

Bakery Boy loves sushi. I recently posted something on Facebook about this and his sister commented, "My brother eats sushi?" Yep. I posted about his picky eating a few blogs posts ago. He doesn't just eat sushi, he actually craves sushi. He always liked shrimp...he would eat fish we caught...but he's pretty happy now with lots of things that swim. I have always liked to eat fish and swimmy things of all types. Growing up my fave was a McDonald's fish sandwich. Gross to some, maybe, but I loved them. Having to be gluten free forces me to make my own version which is tastier to my adult taste buds. I am also a fan of sardines...yep.

Bakery Boy is also a revert Catholic and I am a convert. So for the last five years we have been eating more and more fish types during Lent. In fact, last year we gave up red meat for Lent. So maybe this is how his love for sushi grew..I'm not sure. I am sure that sometimes I find myself wondering who this husband of mine has turned into.... never say never will always be my motto.

I have a new favorite this Lent.... crab cakes! We usually make a Costco run at the beginning of Lent to check out their fish varieties for the season. I heard Bakery Boy say he wanted some clams....that is the most unusual request coming from him. I picked up some lump crab meat. Pricey...but we decided to try it one time. Our favorite is their fresh cod fillets. And then my husband said he had calamari while he was in Georgia... so we found a frozen pack of scallops, calamari, little neck clams, and shrimp. I also purchased a large bag of langostino lobster tails. Also pricey but one bag makes four meals..and then it's not so pricey. We love fresh seafood. It is pricey...and I like a deal. Frozen provides that deal for six weeks of Lent.

My gluten free crab cakes

16 oz lump crab meat....not the fake stuff
1 beaten egg...we get ours from a farmer
2 TBSP mayonnaise - I use Hellman's..it is gluten free
1 TBSP prepared yellow mustard
1 tsp Worcestershire
1 tsp dry mustard
1 tsp Old Bay seafood seasoning
1/2 tsp lemon juice
optional hot sauce to taste..we love Siracha
3/4 gluten free Panko bread crumbs


Whisk all ingredients together in a bowl except for crab and bread crumbs. Fold in crab and bread crumbs. Heat oil in skillet on medium heat. I use olive oil and a small pat of butter. Pat crab cakes into small patties. Fry until golden flipping once. Serve warm. This recipe makes around a dozen cakes depending on the size.

crab cakes with chive mayo

These cakes taste great alone...they have a sweetness that is simply delicious. They would pair well with a chardonnay or pinot grigio. I like to make a sauce..this one is mayo, Angostura bitters, red wine vinegar, and chives...but dill would also highly compliment the sweetness of the crab. I'm serving them on Easter Sunday as an appetizer before dinner...bite size.

lobster rolls....recipe being perfected...however, these were delish just a little too runny on the sauce...I'll share soon as I have enough frozen little tails for another recipe....these were great with a beer.

Friday I will be making a coconut milk based soup with the frozen clams, etc. If it turns out, I'll take a picture and share. I know there are concerns with fish these days..mercury, radioactive fallout.... We eat it in moderation but I just can't and choose not to walk around being scared about everything. I eat healthy, unprocessed food..besides chips..and I'm just choosing to be okay with it all. That being said..pregnant women are supposed to watch the amount of fish meals they eat per week. We are typically eating only one pwe week. 

It's been a wonderful Lent so far and the Triduum is now upon us Holy Thursday, Good Friday, and Easter Vigil... Happy Blessed Easter!

Love,

Veggie Girl

I just couldn't do it...

We are nearing Bakery Boy's good 20 years in the National Guard. He enlisted in 1986 three months before we married. I was naive and really had no idea what we were signing up for. In fact, I was so naive I didn't know we were signing up...I just thought he was enlisting. He wanted to be a soldier. He had always wanted to be a soldier. Honestly it was better that I was naive. I was in love and ready to be married. And six months after we married, I was pregnant with our first son, Brady, and he was leaving for basic training. I remember thinking...wait, you have to do what? for how long? did they say that when you signed up? I was sooooooo green and naive.

Leaving him at the airport that day was the toughest emotional thing I had done at that point in my life. But time passed, he came home, and saying welcome home was amazing. I can't say it was the best because by that time I had given birth, with my mom by my side, to Brady...and that was the best thing ever. But showing our first born son to him for the first time..back in that same airport..was very special.

He served 12 years... out of Boone and then into the 1/113th Cav out of Johnston..and he wore the red bull patch. He was a radio operator. And I learned one weekend a month and two weeks of the year were to be spent with the kids and he would miss many, many life events. And goodbyes were tough but welcome homes were amazing.  Time apart can be a good thing for marriages depending on what you do with that time.

Well, at the twelve year mark his second enlistment was up. We were swamped with five young sons and life. We made the decision he would not reenlist. It was tough but the right thing at the time. He missed going to Kosovo with John. He felt huge regret. Six years later, after 9/11 and job loss and all kinds of things... he said, "I am reenlisting." I didn't say much. He didn't ask for my opinion. No matter what my thoughts were, I knew when he came home with all his gear once again, he was in the right place. My Bakery Boy is a soldier and has always been a soldier. He had switched MOS earlier to an NBC specialist. And that's what he reenlisted as but this time in the 671st...with an eagle patch as an E5. Seemed odd to see those in the closet.

Our marriage was very rocky at that point. We had been through too much for one marriage to handle....sick kids, job loss, loss of our home... He had to go to PLDC in Nebraska. We fought or we were silent all the way out. I dropped him off without much of a goodbye and wondered if we could pull it together. But I credit those weeks with saving my marriage. We both had the opportunity to see what it would be like without the other. And I decided, I would fight for my marriage and lay down my anger towards him. He came home and was promoted fairly quickly to an E6. I did that pinning but, honestly, I was still in my naive mode and I'm not sure I truly understood the significance and the work we had put in so far. But had I punched him then..I might have not stopped...it was such a maddening time in our marriage.

How I got to the point we are today in our marriage is another story...but we both had to lay down our anger and swords. It's a good thing we did when we did because in 2009 he received word he was deploying to Afghanistan for a year. That goodbye is one I will never forget. I can still feel the last kiss he planted on me. And saying goodbye after his two weeks of leave...worst heart-wrenching goodbye ever. He came home, along with our son, Brady, safe...and that welcome home is the most emotional thing I have ever experienced.

We have spent the last three years readjusting. Deployment taught us both a lot. He immediately started working on schools and promotions. During the last year he was gone for three months of training. And, finally, yesterday I pinned him as an E7..a Sergeant First Class. Our timeline is what it is..he would have reached this sooner had he not gotten out. But this time I knew and was not so naive...and I was pinning him and myself..our whole family. We all worked hard and pulled our weight to get him to this point. Except I couldn't do it.....

You see...I couldn't punch him, slap him, whatever... on his new rank.... I get it. It's what they do. But we've been through so much hurt already. I just had to leave it up to a couple of other soldiers.... and hopefully the next time he sees Brady..his son can do it. He'll finish the job as he's a fellow soldier.

Somebody asked me recently when he was going to be done. I said, "He'll be done when I say he is...." and we shared a chuckle. My mindset is different now. I'm not naive. We will know when the time is right and we will make the decision together. For now we keep walking through open soldier doors.

He may be a soldier but I am a National Guard wife and mother.

No emotion and don't look me in the eye...but I did..couldn't help it...he kept his soldier on

 I am receiving instruction to slap him..make it heard..he is grinning...a couple soldiers asked if they could do it...yep..but we apparently didn't get pictures?

And changing his cover

Such a conflict of emotion.....Bakery Boy pinned Brady a little while back.... did he punch my son? neither one has ever said. 

Thank you for all the support...we can't do this as a family without everyone's love and support. Oh...and he's back in the cavalry in communications... 1/113th. All is right...see that bull on his shoulder?

Love,

Veggie Girl

Woven together...and then it all makes sense

I have been hesitating to write... simply because we, Veggie Girl and Bakery Boy, have a huge story and sometimes I'm not sure what to write or where to go with it...it is so much and we have healed and grown beyond much of it. Or do I just write about our daily adventures? Everything has shaped us and our marriage. Today it all became very clear.

Our story together is almost 30 years in the making with lots of ups and downs. But events from when I was ten years old through today...at 49... all came woven together in just a few minutes.

When I was ten, I experienced sudden hearing loss in my right ear. The cause remains a mystery to this day. After discovering my hearing loss, my parents took me to several doctors and we finally ended up at Mayo Clinic where they said, "She is profoundly deaf in her right ear and there is nothing we can do to help her." We left. I remember how I felt riding home..scared...sad... alone. And then I went on with my growing up. Being single-sided deaf is very challenging. I have no directional hearing and I appear to be fully hearing. So I experienced people being left confused when I didn't hear them. And then people were always thinking I was rude or stuck up. That became my life. My good friends and particularly my bakery boy are always hearing for me. Being hearing impaired is incredibly frustrating socially. My friends and family will tell you they don't like to be in my black void area which is to my right back side out of my vision. Vision is key for me to understand what I am hearing as I must read your lips.

Jump ahead to age 20..I met my bakery boy. I was prepping veggies for the salad bar and he was prepping desserts....a food service romance.We married a year later. Early in our marriage the Cochlear implant became headline news.  I told him, "If anything ever comes around to help me hear, I will do it."

And by the time we were 24, our second son was born. Brenden was born with multiple life threatening heart defects. He was missing his aorta, had multiple holes between the upper and lower chambers, and had a misplaced right sub-clavian artery. He had his first of three open heart surgeries at four days old. He is our miracle..and he is a huge story himself... but key to today is from the time he was able to cry his voice was raspy. And as he grew, everyone asked if he was sick. His voice was weak and he was always hoarse.

When Brenden was 17, we took him to an ENT for his voice. We only knew to do this because his older brother, Brady, had recently had his vocal cords looked at because he is a singer and was having difficulties. The speech pathologist asked Brenden, "Does anyone ever have trouble hearing you speak?" Brenden replied, "Yes, my mom, but she doesn't count because she's deaf in her right ear." The speech pathologist looked at me and said, "Have you heard of the BAHA?" I hadn't. She got me a pamphlet and to be honest I was so engrossed in what I was reading I had a hard time paying attention to Brenden's appointment.

At home, I simply handed the information to Bakery Boy. There were really no words. I said, "If I can get insurance to pay, I have to do this. There is finally something to help me." I had my BAHA placement surgery March 30, 2008. Three months later, which was the required time for healing, I received my Divino sound processor. I was 43.

I cried a lot. I was overwhelmed with sound. My left ear worked but I heard in a very flat way and now I was hearing in fullness...possibly with more stereo. I sobbed all through church the first Sunday I heard the piano. I sobbed hearing the radio in the car. I heard the wind and the birds and cars all at the same time. I stood in amazement at the grocery store when a clerk spoke to me in my black void and I heard her and turned and walked to her line. Brenden also had a vocal reinnervation surgery for his paralyzed vocal cord around the same time....which happened because of his first open heart surgery. And I was shocked and amazed the first time we had a conversation in a car. It was never possible before. Our doctor, Dr. Simon Wright, gave us the gift of communication. He changed our lives. And I thought my story was done.


Two years later, I prepared to send my husband and son to Afghanistan for a year long tour. My husband, my bakery boy, prepared his office to be taken care of by a fill-in soldier... Shaun Myers. Bakery Boy and oldest son, Brady, returned safely. And we started to get to know Shaun better. He came down for a bridge festival and I could see the soldier connection between my husband and him. They continued to share an office. He came to Brady's wedding. And then we heard Shaun had met Amber. I missed their wedding but husband attended. Their baby girl, Aliannah, was born premature last December 2013 with microtia and atresia essentially leaving her deaf. And I fell in love with that baby girl the minute she was born before I even met her.

Aliannah is my life experiences all rolled into one...really sick, hospitalized kids (we have one more..another story another day) combined with my deafness. And I'm okay and I'm through it all and still standing. I talked to my audiologist about donating my Divino to Aliannah so she could begin to hear now..so they could relax and get funds and insurance in place for Ali's surgeries and her very own BAHA. I found out it was possible. My Divino was sitting in my dresser for I received an upgrade two years ago. I waited to tell because tests needed to confirm she had the potential to hear. Yesterday was an amazing day and I was so blessed to be part of Ali's first time hearing her momma's voice. Ali and I happen to share the same doctor office and audiologist...I don't believe it's a coincidence.

My faith is my driving force. Everything I do is because of my beliefs and the proof I see through the miracles in my life. As I was living the last 30 years, there were times when it was all just too much. And I asked often why we had to go through so much. Why did my children suffer? Why did life have to be stressful? Why? Why? Why? And as I walked and often times trudged through each day, I would receive answers and my heart was softened and shaped. But never did I expect to see this outcome. Never did I expect to see all of these events woven together. Trials are heart and gut wrenching. It is so hard to wait and wonder and want answers. And then we heal and we are able to look back and understand.

I would change one thing about my trials. I would take away my children's pain. That, as a parent, is the most difficult thing. But going through everything we have, Veggie Girl and Bakery Boy together, has made us what we are today...at the age of 49.

There is more to come I am sure...more blessings and more trials. But we have new forever friends with Shaun, Amber, and Ali...they are a part of our family now.

Side note: Brenden is 25 now and healthy. He and his wife are expecting their first baby this summer.

Love and Blessings,
Veggie Girl

The first day I met Ali 

Yesterday... I'm wearing my BAHA BP100 and she's wearing my Divino on a softband...clearly she wants her momma


UPDATE PICTURE OF MISS ALI 2015 (she has her own BAHA now):